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The girlfriend and I had a short discussion about complex passwords. Yes, I know how to create a strong complex password--it's not hard. Her windows password is one such password. I know her password for Facebook and MySpace...and probably her e-mail, but not the power up password for her computer. So anyway, she gave me a hack for disabling the admin account and renaming it on windows XP. I tried it..but the hack was for XP professional. I did, however, create an excellent complex password. The problem: when I woke up this morning, I couldn't remember the symbols I'd used. So I spent two hours surfing the net trying to figure out how to hack into my own computer. I downloaded a lot of programs but couldn't make my computer boot on the CD's I burned. I finally restarted in Safe Mode using the default admin account, clicked Start, then Run, and typed control userpasswords2. It let me reset my password. Now it's much easier to remember, and still just as complex. If it wasn't a secret, the girlfriend would love it. :D So the lesson to be learned from this is: If you're going to create a complex password, make a password disk, or write it down...or for God's sake, don't make the damn thing so hard to remember!

2 posts in one day, holy hell!

[Alternately titled: "The joys of dating a girl who is still in the closet."]

My girlfriend is 19 years old (she'll turn 20 in about 4 weeks) and she's still in the closet. Her closest friends know, her therapist knows, her doctor knows. But that's it. I, on the other hand, am completely out of the closet. I am proud to be a lesbian and I don't care who knows it. Now don't get me wrong, it took me a long time to get to this place of contentment with my sexuality; and I know that my girlfriend has to get there in her own time. I'm not trying to rush her in any way. I didn't want to be rushed at 19. I only just came out to my whole family and to the world last summer just before my 21st birthday. Now, here's the problem.

Around her school friends, she reminds me that to them, I am "not a lesbian." And heaven forbid I let it slip that we're dating. She's the same way around her family. I can understand her hesitation...but it seems unnecessary. Her best friend is a gay man. Her family knows he is gay and accepts him. They love him. Her school friends know he's gay and they also accept him, even though she goes to a Methodist affiliated school. Everyone is okay with his sexuality. So in theory, wouldn't they be accepting of her as well? I mean, she is a little obvious in the way she acts and dresses...and not having a boyfriend and never joining in the conversation about hot male celebrities doesn't make her look very heterosexual. So in short, to her friends and family, I am her dirty little secret.

I cannot handle being someone's dirty little secret. She has been rude, cranky, unsympathetic, and pretty mean to me the past few days. I visited her at her dorm tonight. When I left at 9:00 so she could go to sleep, I asked her would she walk me to my car. She whined and moaned about it being hot out. She knew why I wanted her to walk me to my car. I wanted a good-night kiss. She didn't walk me to the car. She walked me to the door exiting her dorm building and threw me a kiss as I stood at the door, pouting. Now, I am hormonal...and of course, I cried. But this is a serious problem. I can't and won't force her out. But I need to see an effort on her part to show that I am an important part of her life and that she isn't ashamed of me. Is that too much to ask?