Objectum Sexuality

(I hope my blog pops up on Google when someone searches for this term...)

Hundreds of thousands (possibly millions) of people saw the episode of Good Morning America last week about Erika Eiffel, the woman who is in love with (and had a commitment ceremony to) the Eiffel Tower. I did not see this episode, but heard about it the next day on The Bert Show. I have tried to remain calm about it. I have tried NOT to judge these people. I have struggled to keep an open mind...but I just can't. Objectum-Sexuality is a load of crap. I don't know anything about these people other than the fact that they love inanimate objects, so much that they consider them their husbands, wives, life partners, etc. Some people are suggesting that objectum-sexuality is a new sexual orientation, just like homosexuality or heterosexuality. Erika Eiffel, in her interview with Bizarre Magazine said, "Simply put... OS, is an orientation just as hetero and homo sexuality are orientations of one's innate sexuality. Replacing the term hetero with object will most accurately describe Objectum-sexuality. But my personal definition is to be emotionally and physically attracted to objects."

When asked, "Could an Objectum-Sexual also find a human being physically attractive, or indeed have a relationship with one?" Eiffel responded, I can find a person aesthetically attractive, but more than that... the answer is no. I just do not feel
anything more than friendship with people. I tried to have mainstream relations with people in the years that I rejected my OS because of societal pressure... but each time was a failure and caused me much pain." Sounds to me like a sexual orientation right? She's tried to be "normal" by society's standards but failed miserably. Now she is happy and healthy with her husband, the Eiffel Tower.

Lets go into the psychopathology of objectum-sexuality. Is it a fetish? No. A fetish is a psychosexual disorder in which a person cannot achieve orgasm without the presence of their fetish object (feet, latex, whips, chains, food...) It causes significant distress in their sexual functioning because they cannot have normal sexual relationships with other people. Is it a paraphilia? (Sexual arousal in response to sexual objects or situations which may interfere with the capacity for reciprocal affectionate sexual activity. OR: Any of a group of sexual fantasies, urges and behaviors that are considered deviant with respect to cultural norms) Examples include, masochism, sadism, (until the 70's, homosexuality), transvestitism, and pedophilia. With the exception of pedophilia, all of these things can be completely healthy and cause no negative effect. It is only truly considered a paraphilia if it causes significant distress for the person experiencing it. So if a person likes to be tied up and whipped, that's fine as long as it doesn't interfere with their ability to function normally. So is objectum-sexuality a paraphilia? No.

The question burning in all our minds is, are these people crazy? Certifiable, ought to be locked in an institution, danger to themselves crazy? Probably not. A little touched in the head? Much more than a little...Yes, I am making snap judgments. No, I do not care. One therapists experience shows that many people who identify as objectum-sexuals have autism or Aspberger's syndrome. That certainly explains these people's lack of connection with other people. Some have been sexually abused. Which would also explain some things. But as for Erika Eiffel, she neither suffers from autism nor was she sexually abused as a child.

Because of her love for objects, she became a world-class archer, and an officer in the air force. Consequently, it also caused her to be medically discharged from the air force. So has it negatively affected her life? Yes and no. Does it cause her distress? No. Does she feel that it negatively affects her sexual functioning? No. Is being objectum-sexual causing any danger to herself or others? No. So does she have a psychosexual disorder? The answer is debatable. Most would say yes, but when you break down the criteria, the ultimate answer is no. Psychological disorders are a matter of personal experience.

Educational opinion aside...THESE PEOPLE ARE RIDICULOUS! It is shit like this that is going to prevent LGBTQ Americans from being able to marry our partners and have equal rights under the law. This is the exact argument that people use against us. "If we let gays marry, then people will want to marry their dogs, little kids, and hell...even their cars!" WHAT THE FUCK? I am furious at all the publicity these whack-jobs are getting. Yes I believe we should be accepting or at least tolerant of other people's lifestyles..but this is crossing the line. These people are tearing down any progress that the LGBTQ community has made! This is bullshit!

(For more information, you can visit Objectum-Sexuality Internationale.)

Queens....geesh!

Tonight I learned that female cats are called queens. Why should cats get such a regal name when dogs are called bitches? Anyway...

What my wife and I just did was out of dire exasperation. My cat, Little Bit, has been in heat for over a week now. Yowling, writhing on the floor like a wanton slut, pissing everywhere...it's been hell. In a class the wife took last semester, we learned that cats don't ovulate without sexual stimulation (neither do camels). One way to stimulate a cat is to use a q-tip. The dry, rough q-tip is probably gentler than a male cat's barbed penis. (People on camel trains do this to camels using their fists...) At first, we thought that the idea ws disgusting. But now we know how horrible it is to have a cat in heat running around the house.

Tonight, we fucked the cat with q-tip. It was violent...it stank. She scratched the hell out of my arms and stomach. It took us three tries. Now she's docile. We don't know if it worked. For now, the yowling has ceased. Beasley, the neutered male, started licking the wife's arm unabashedly for about 5 minutes. We think he smelled whatever it was that stank and liked it. I'm horrified...grossed out...and appalled by our actions. But damn it was funny...

Here are some directions found on www.everything2.com:

Equipment:
1 cat in heat
1 Q-tip Procedure:
Grab wailing, squirming cat and place it on your lap with its hind quarters readily accessible. Chances are the cat will freely offer them, if not the first time this procedure is followed, then certainly each time afterward.
Insert the Q-tip into the cat's vagina. It will be exposed and puffy. Do not insert the Q-tip into the other orifice. Either way the cat will begin to scream, but there is a subtle and audible difference in the scream of satisfaction and the scream of rectal pain. Experiment a little until you can distinguish the two.
Move the Q-tip in and out of the cat's vagina slowly at first, then more rapidly. No need to be gentle, no matter what you do with the Q-tip it beats a barbed cat penis digging around in there.
You are finished when the cat is finished. You will know when the cat is finished because it will either begin immediately to have a cat orgasm, or it will run away with the Q-tip sticking out of its ass. If this happens let it enjoy itself for a few minutes before attempting to retrieve your Q-tip.
That is it, you are done. Enjoy the peace and quiet until the cat flares up again. What to look for: The cat orgasm that follows this procedure is something the likes of which I have never seen elsewhere. It is a wriggling, leaping, moaning dance of ecstasy that defies any experience of pleasure my mind can even begin to grasp. If humans had orgasms with the intensity of a cat serviced in this way there would be no such thing as war, hunger, capitalism or God. Background: A cat in heat is, with few exceptions, one of the most irritating things to have living in your home. A cat in heat will follow you around and howl at you in a bone chilling, hideous wail until you are ready just to toss it outside and let it get pounded by the local tom's. After a few days of this torture having to drown a few kittens sounds relaxing. This cat-saving technique was first demonstrated to me by a terminally un-squeemish roomate of years past.

We didn't see any signs of an intense orgasm...she just ran away and started bathing herself. Now she's hiding behind the couch. If I'd just been fucked by a q-tip (or something similarly painful for a human) I'd hide behind the couch too...and shut up yowling, lest I be molested again.

And Tango Makes Three

We just got cable two weeks ago and our housemate made sure we had Logo. The wife and I have been watching *a lot* of Logo. While watching, I learned that And Tango Makes Three by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson is the number 1 most challenged book in the country. I read the book on Saturday night at a small bookstore in Decatur. It was an absolutely adorable story. It actually made me a little teary eyed because it was so cute. So, why is this book challenged? Why do parents want it banned? Because the book is a true story about two male penguins, Roy and Silo at the New York City Zoo who fell in love. The zookeeper gives them an egg that another couple could not care for (because it is difficult, or impossible for penguin couples to care for more than one egg at a time). The two penguins incubate the egg, and act just like a male/female couple would. When the egg hatches, the zookeeper names it Tango "because it takes two to tango." It is challenged because it "promotes homosexuality." I did a quick search on the title and found this website that does not agree with the book's message and think that it should be taken off the shelves.

Walden's Wits

All the other things I found were either rave reviews or news articles. Steve Walden's opinion is perfectly valid, but much like I'm sure his toilet does, it stinks. When there is a book about a mom and a dad who have a baby, be it humans or animals, there is no controversy. Stories like that promote heterosexuality. Steve Walden said,

"We later found out that our 6 year-old had already read it. We spent an hour undoing the damage and it ruined not just storytime but the whole evening. My 6 year-old readily understood that the book was wrong. In fact, he knew when he read the book that it was talking nonsense and that it wasn’t right. My daughter was unnerved to discover that same-sex couples, apparently in all species, can adopt children"

Damage? Nonsense? It's scientific fact that homosexuality is normal in the animal kingdom. Yes, animals mate primarily for procreation, but it doesn't always happen that way. The book was written to teach tolerance, not to push a pro-homosexual agenda. He was appalled that the book pushes sex education on his young children. Does he honestly think his kids won't see homosexuals before middle school when it's appropriate for sex ed? What about the kids with two mommies or two daddies? I'm sure it's a relief for those children to see a book like Tango. He goes on to say,

"It attempts to normalize something clearly abnormal. Penguins, like all other creatures, mate primarily for procreation. The fact that the keeper had to steal an egg from another couple to make a “family” shows that same-sex couples by themselves do not have what nature requires for them to conceive and bear children...this book has been insidiously and deceitfully placed in libraries across America to re-educate young children to accept all families as valid, whether they have two mommies, two daddies, three daddies or three mommies and two daddies. It is deceptively normal and intentionally aimed at children whose primary concern should be Legos and dolls. They push the debate on homosexuality into the kindergarten when the only debate children that age should be forced to decide is crust or no crust on their sandwiches. I am appalled that Simon and Schuster thinks my children are ready for sex. And I am angry that they chose such a backhanded method to pump someone’s agenda."

First, the book doesn't mention sex at all, it talks about "boy penguins" and "girl penguins" becoming couples and about Roy and Silo being in love and incubating a rock before the zookeeper gives them an abandoned egg. It in no way pushes sex on kids. It isn't a backhanded way to push homosexuality on children. I realize Steve Walden is just a closed-minded person who is raising his children to be have the same bigoted ideals as he does. It just irks me that such a cute children's book is so challenged. I think we need more books like Tango to help teach tolerance to kids today.

And what about heterosexual couples who can't have children because of infertility or some other reason? It's just as unnatural for those couples to have children as it would be for the wife and I to have kids.

I was reading my newsfeeds on Bloglines and came across an article about Google Image Ripper. Instead of only seeing thumbnails of the images you want, it compiles all the images in full-size on one page. The writer of the article searched for "finger" and this is one of the pictures it found. Nice, huh?

I expect shit like this from celebrities, teenagers, etc...but not the President of the US! I despise the guy...his speeches are ridiculous (bushisms anyone?), his foreign policy, educational policies and everything else to do with his time in office BLOWS. But with this picture, the man has dropped to a new low.

See America? This is what you voted for.

Trimspa Baby!

So as everyone in the world knows, Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Tragic, I know. The woman was under an outrageous amount of stress with her son dying, the new baby, legal battles over who the baby's father is...losing 70 pounds in 3 months taking her from 224 to 130 (at 5'11" that's WAY under weight!). They had live coverage on CNN for about 6 hours the day it happened...also on all the Atlanta radio stations. But, I was able to find some humor in the situation. I realize this makes me a horrible person--but I really don't care.

My family and I were watching CNN and The Situation Room with Jack Cafferty and Wolf Blitzer came on. In the beginning they were still showing coverage of Anna Nicole Smith. Then, Jack made the best news blunder (that I'm pretty sure was on purpose) by asking, "So is um...Anna Nicole Smith still dead, Wolf?"

Wolf Blitzer responded by saying something to the effect of "Yes Jack. Uh, we're going to update our viewers shortly." Jack Cafferty's smart ass remark made VH1's Best Week Ever. I thought it was hilarious. My mother, on the other hand, thought it was despicable and wrong and everything else negative in the world. It's sad that she couldn't find the humor in it. Lots of people on You Tube and Google Video are appalled at the remark. I'm upset by this.

Anna Nicole Smith spent the last year of her life making appearances and sounding completely trashed at press conferences. What the hell? It is tragic that she died. I bet Trimspa is going to lose a lot of business (HAH!). And...the saddest thing at all is that she won't be remembered for being a playboy playmate or a Marilyn Monroe look-a-like, she'll be remembered for drunkenly slurring, "Trimspa, Baby!" all over the world.

Here is the video of Jack Cafferty making the "is she still dead" statement.

Rhythm is a dancer

[Alternatively titled: Round is a shape, damnit!]

I recently won a 6 month membership to a new gym downtown. It comes with one personal training session where you work out a training program for future visits. I went in yesterday to claim my prize and the personal trainer wasn't there. So I asked if I could just work out on the cardio machines. The secretary asked me, "Have you used treadmills and stuff before?" I wanted to say, "No, I was raised by a pack of wolves and I was recently returned to civilzation." But I just sighed and nodded. I told her I'd been to another gym in town. She said, "Well our machines are totally different than the ones at that gym." Come on, how difficult can it be to do a manual program on an elliptical machine and a treadmill? So she finally let me go...I went, changed clothes, and got on the elliptical. I set it for a manual program for 30 minutes, highest incline, 50% resistance. She walked by, looked at me, and asked, "Did you figure it out?" I nodded, while thinking, "No a magical gym elf came by and programmed it for me--here's your sign, motherfucker."

I finished my elliptical program and moved on to the treadmill for a relaxing 20 minute cooldown. Again, the lady was worried I wouldn't be able to start the machine...this time, she came over and started it for me. Thank you, lady. I forgot how to read for a minute. After I had showered, the personal trainer had come in and we made an appointment for Friday. I'm looking forward to it. At least she doesn't think I'm a complete idiot. I may be out of shape, but that doesn't mean I don't know how to work gym equipment.

Bipolar Awareness

Alternatively titled: Yes I have bipolar disorder. Fuck off.

//begin rant

I was reading my subscriptions on BlogLines and I came across this on Dr. John Grohol's blog, World of Psychology, and I came across this article onBipolar Awareness Day during Mental Health Awarness Week (October 1-7).

I am glad that both things exist. Too many people are affected by psychological disorders and do not seek the help they need because of the social stigma placed on having mental health problems. Among the most stigmatized problems are: Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia. Now, I'm not going to say much about Schizophrenia because I don't have any first hand experience with it...well, not much. I'll just say that Schizophrenia is NOT the same thing as multiple personalities or, Dissociative Identity Disorder. And people with Schizophrenia can and do lead normal productive lives.

Anywho, on to Bipolar Awareness. I loathe people who say, "you're Bipolar" or "he's Bipolar" or "I'm Bipolar." Diseases should not define who a person is. If you person had AIDS or HIV, you wouldn't want people saying "You're AIDS." or "You're HIV" would you? So the proper way to say it is, "I have Bipolar Disorder."

So, hello internet, I have Bipolar Disorder I. I suffer from both manic episodes and depression. I am on a mood stabilizing medication an atypical antipsychotic, two antidepressants, and a benzodiazepine (anti-anxiety medication). I have been hospitalized three times in my life, once for being manic due to being on a high dose of antidepressants, and twice for being severely depressed. My second depressive episode was preceded by a terrible manic episode that caused me to have to drop out of school. 90% of the time I am a fully functional person. I am not "crazy" or "psychotic." I am as normal as the next person. I just happen to have a chemical imbalence in my brain. People with depression also have chemical imbalances; so do people with anxiety disorders. So why the stigma for people who have Bipolar Disorder?

True, Bipolar Disorder can be very severe and require hospitalization. But so can depression and anxiety. As long as people suffering from the disorder stay medicated, episodes can be reduced or eveb prevented. Part of the reason people who have Bipolar Disorder go off their medication is the fact that people judge them for having the disorder. We don't judge people who have diabetes for being on medication. So why do people judge people who have to take psychiatric medications? People who have diabetes also require hospitalization sometimes. What is the difference? Why is it okay for someone with diabetes to seek medical help, but not for someone with a psychiatric illness?

So, I challenge you to educate yourself about Bipolar Disorder. Find out what it is like first-hand. A very good autobiography by someone (a therapist and leading research psychologist on Bipolar Disorder) who suffers from Bipolar Disorder is, An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfeld Jamison.

//end rant

Dead men tell no tales... arrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!

In honor of National Talk like a Pirate day, after this introductory bit, I'm blogging about some fucked up shit I saw on Wifee Swap last night. I'm going to blog about...PIRATTITUDE!!!!! ARRRGGGHHHH!

Captain Slappy Joe is the coolest fucking pirate that ever sailed the seven seas--besides Captain Jack Sparrow, of course. One of the families lived the life of pirates...and the other family was the most organized family I have ever seen. So the pirate family's mom went to Organized City and the organized mom went to Pirate Country. The pirate mom invited Captain Slappy Joe to bring out the inner "pirattitude" of the organized kids. It was so fucked up.

When mama pirate got back home there was a flag in place of their pirate flag of mama organizer saying "another house organized" or something weird like that. It was taken down immediately and replaced by the pirate flag.

And I'd like to send a shout out to all my fellow pirates who spend hours on end downloading mp3's and movies on programs such as Limewire and/or Kazaa; and the people who burn CD's and share them, and people like my uncle who download movies off the internet before they've even come out on DVD and share them with the family. ARRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Oprah, what the fuck were you thinking?

Look at Oprah there...I think she went a smidge too far with the weight loss. I saw her on ET tonight and she looked about 20 pounds thinner than she does in that picture..and TOTALLY cracked out. So my question is this: Oprah, wtf happened to you? Have you been hanging out with Whitney and Bobby?

Be sure and catch her on Rachel Ray.

9/11

Just like we ask our parents and grandparents "Where were you when JFK was assassinated?" our children and grandchildren will be asking us, "Where were you on 9/11?"

Where was I on 9/11?

It was my senior year of high school. I was sitting in AP English Literature. We didn't have our TV on so none of us knew what was going on. When class was over, I caught snippets of the newscast on other teachers' TVs. When I got to second block, Health Occupations, the Principal, Mr. Toland, made an announcement that the WTC had been attacked. He told the teachers to turn on the TV and let us watch it, only if it didn't disturb class-time. At that point, all hopes of holding an actual class were out the door. We watched in awe as the second plane crashed into the other tower. It was a replay, but it was still a huge shock. When the plane crashed into the Pentagon, we were all dumbfounded. Why would someone do this? What did America do to them? In third block, American Government, the teacher had turned his TV to CNN. He kept the TV on CNN every day for the rest of the semester. For the first week we watched in awe as videos from Osama Bin Laden were played over and over. We followed the ticker at the bottom to see the death toll. Some students had family in NY who worked at the WTC. They stopped coming to school for a while.

9/11 was the biggest event to happen in our lifetimes. (By our, I mean the twenty and thirty-somethings...even the fourty-somethings. Anyone older remembers the Vietnam Conflict and the draft. But still, I don't think that compares to the tragedy of 9/11. More people were killed on 9/11 than in the attack on Pearl Harbor. 9/11 was the biggest tragedy in the country with the largest death count. The country stood united after the attack. We all supported President Bush and were 100% behind him when he said he'd catch Osama Bin Laden. We wanted him to go to Afghanistan and nuke them all. Looking back, the 'nuke them all' mentality was rash and unrealistic. Some people still feel that way. We've found Saddam Hussein, but not Osama Bin Laden. Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11. Why did we catch him first?

Since 9/11 we have had more terrorist threats than I can remember. Osama bin Laden is still at large, and still sending video transmissions from his secret base in Afghanistan. There have been two movies made, "Flight 83," and "World Trade Center." Personally, I think the movies were made too soon. The wounds are still too fresh. They say that part of the proceeds will go to the families of the victims. I doubt those people will get half as much as they deserve. If I'd had a family memeber die in the attacks of 9/11, I'd be pissed off about Hollywood trying to make money off of a tragedy like that. They should have waited. The movies were unneccessary. We saw the real footage. We heard tapes of phone calls. We saw people jumping from the burning towers. We don't need to see actors reenacting it. Those images are still fresh in the minds of America's citizens.

Where were you on 9/11/01?

koMP1eX P@55w0rdZ

The girlfriend and I had a short discussion about complex passwords. Yes, I know how to create a strong complex password--it's not hard. Her windows password is one such password. I know her password for Facebook and MySpace...and probably her e-mail, but not the power up password for her computer. So anyway, she gave me a hack for disabling the admin account and renaming it on windows XP. I tried it..but the hack was for XP professional. I did, however, create an excellent complex password. The problem: when I woke up this morning, I couldn't remember the symbols I'd used. So I spent two hours surfing the net trying to figure out how to hack into my own computer. I downloaded a lot of programs but couldn't make my computer boot on the CD's I burned. I finally restarted in Safe Mode using the default admin account, clicked Start, then Run, and typed control userpasswords2. It let me reset my password. Now it's much easier to remember, and still just as complex. If it wasn't a secret, the girlfriend would love it. :D So the lesson to be learned from this is: If you're going to create a complex password, make a password disk, or write it down...or for God's sake, don't make the damn thing so hard to remember!